Choosing Hope

 

Each year in December, I ask God for a word for the coming year.  Sometimes that word stays at the forefront of my mind all year long.  Other times it’s like a New Year’s Resolution that gets attention in January but gets forgotten a few weeks or months into the year.  The word for 2019 was “Hope” which I thought was an indication of a very positive year to come.  I soon discovered that it’s in the hard things that we need, search for & hold onto hope.  And I found that to be true through the year, as several people very dear to me passed away.  I learned that true hope is not found in circumstances in which I have little or no control, but in knowing God loves me, will never leave me & has a plan much deeper than that which I see.  Those lessons have continued to strengthen me in 2020.

Choice – that seemed like a positive word to start 2020.  Freedom of choice is something we all cherish.  What would I be choosing?  Maybe a different car, a new route to Canada, a Bible Study topic for our prison Ministry, a new hair style, some fun new crafts for the Belen ladies.  I was inspired just thinking about it.  I guess I always have choice, but it seemed that focusing on choice meant I have more control of my circumstances and that thought was somehow exciting. 

My first lesson was a reminder that for me, choice is also an intimidating word.  Focusing on making good choices can take me in circles weighing all the pros, cons, what-ifs and possible outcomes.  And then the longer I take to decide, the less choice I end up having.  Who would think booking a flight back to Canada would be so stressful?

I have also soon realized that choice this year may not to be so much about choosing my circumstances as it will be about choosing my attitude – choosing to find the positive, to let go, to love, to forgive, choosing hope.  It started when my friend Pancho went missing in February – a situation way out of my control and still with no answers.  From the beginning there were choices to make.  The biggest choice was letting go, only in trusting God would I have peace.  The most difficult choice was forgiving the person I thought was responsible.  That decision did not come easy.

Can I tell you that Covid19 sure has made choosing to find the positive a challenging task.  I mean really, we are surrounded by restrictions, complaining, confusion, conspiracy theories, economic challenges & division.  Shops, workplaces, churches (including my ministry programs) & beaches have been closed; we’re asked to quedate en casa (stay home) & wear a facemask in the heat of summer.  We keep hearing about death and sickness & outrageously inconsiderate behavior.  Pretty easy to give in to negativity. 

But in the spirit of good choices, I’m trying to see it as a time of opportunity.  There’s time to chat with my neighbor through the fence.  I’ve been able to share meals & baking.  I’ve again been inspired by doing those creative things that previously I never took the time to try.  Spanish word searches mean I learn new vocabulary.  All this social-distancing & yet I’ve had chances to listen to & comfort ladies who are facing heartbreaking circumstances – missing husbands, hungry families, death of loved ones.  And more time alone means more time with Jesus, if I choose to give Him my attention.  And when day after day (like this week) news from friends tells me this is way too real and getting personal I can to choose to trust God rather than give in to fear.  Would I ask for something to turn our world upside down like Covid 19 has done?  Definitely not.  But each day I want to see the blessings, to choose hope.